The Culture

Is it bi-annual or semi-annual?

2009-07-07T12:28:00.005-04:00

So, here I am again, less than a year later.

Again, several changes.

T and I got married in February! Woot! We went down to Cabo San Lucas, to a fantastic resort (Dreams Los Cabos). This place was incredible... the only drawback that I could think of was the lack of swimming in the ocean in front of the resort. The rooms were great (well, the honeymoon suite was great anyway --it was as big as our last appartement in the city!), the food was really good, and the drinks were plentiful.

The wedding ceremony itself was simple, like we wanted. Essentially, we exchanged our vows on the beach in a small ceremony. T even managed to include the words "airplane" and "sunscreen" in her wedding vows. It describes me pretty well. The hardest part was getting out of the water at 11:00, because we had to go and prepare for the ceremony.

Everything is great with the house. Shovelling snow all winter was fine --even fun. (We have a small driveway). We bought a lot of stuff for the spring / summer... lawnmower, trimmer, garden hose, tools, sprinklers, lots of plants and landscaping things, etc. Cutting the grass is ok... I am not very good at cord management yet, and risk electrocuting myself every week.

On that subject, I replaced a light fixture last weekend. I am actually very proud of myself, considering that it works, the house has not burned to the ground from an electrical fire, and it actually looks good! I have come a long way... it was only 7 months ago that I attempted to hang a mirror, which involved me drilling about 15 holes in the drywall, and it was still (after a 3-hour job) not level, or centered.

The house has really changed how we live. We both look forward to getting home at night, and truly enjoy the silence and darkness --so different from Yonge and Eglinton. We have met our neighbours, done a few social functions with them, and seem to be getting along fine. Thank God they are normal!!! (I wonder what they say about us...)

I try and barbeque every night, if possible. The corn season is coming up... and we have found some great sources for steaks and chicken. Grilled lemon is my new favourite garnish, as is grilled pineapple with grilled hot peppers and grilled red peppers (together, on a toothpick, the way God intended).

This weekend we are off to St Andrew (New Brunswick) for my dad's 75th birthday. I plan on eating nothing but lobster.

Well, perhaps I will write more in the next few weeks. If not... maybe around Christmas LOL!

Oh, wow... I had a blog?

2008-11-26T18:01:00.005-05:00

Ok, so it has been a few days.

What has changed? Lots.

I'm engaged. I have been for a while. Tracey and I will be married at Dreams Los Cabos in Mexico in April. They have a beach --an unswimmable beach, so I won't get eaten by a shark, and a bar with swings instead of stools. I think we should bring helmets, although I suspect that the wedding party will all end up with a concussion anyway.

We bought a house.

Isn't it nice? 4 bedrooms, 3 bathroms. My guess is that, in another year's time, I will add another blog entry titled "OMG I am so sick of cleaning!".

I am suddenly facing all of the thrills of home-ownership, such as (but not limited to) "no more upstairs appartment dweller-kids playing indoor basketball", "thank GOD we don't have to listen to our downstairs neighbour's stereo cranking out the John Bon Jovi anthology with absurdly-high bass for 7 straight hours", or "you know? Rock Band doesn't sound so great at 4 am when it is your uncoordinated and (obviously) deaf teenage neighbour banging away on plastic with all of his windows open."

Now I will face new and exciting challenges, such as "umm... do I need to clean out these eaves-troughs?", "HOW am I going to clean out these eaves-troughs?", and the one I will ask most days I am certain "now what do I do / who should I call to fix this for me at an outrageously high price?"

We move in to the house in two days. Who would have thought that a two-bedroom appartment can hold so much stuff?

We also bought a car.

We call him Bobby Frey. It is kind of a play on words that most people don't get.

It sounds like Bobby Flay, the well-known chef. The car is a Santa Fe, and Bobby Flay is well known for his Santa-Fe style flavours.

Of course, it is also a Hyundai. [Insert stereotypical "R"-for-"L" replacement joke here.]

Unfortunately, when most people get the play on words, they find it even less funny.

The car is seriously cool though. We take it everywhere.

So, lots of changes for me. Exciting times. I am going to try and write more, and watch television less. (If there is someone who actually lands here by accident and reads this, and feels that this decision to write more is a complete barking-up-the-wrong-tree mistake, and that there is plenty to be learned on Dr. Phil, please let me know.)

See you in a year!

You're doing it wrong!

2007-06-11T22:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, they are doing it wrong.

That brings up an entire suite of questions, though. For example: what if they planned this particular position? What if they trained for months to be able to do something you wouldn't normally see unless you were watching lots of overweight guys running back and forth between ropes (or possibly in a movie that is available in only the best motels for $9.99 and features such stars as Candy Divine, Lance Ballstrom et cetera)?

My point is: people can assume that you are "doing it wrong" from their perspective. Without some sort of outside context, they can only frame your actions within their own experiences.

This, of course, raises even more questions. For example: the woman in the check-out line at the grocery store today... what was she thinking? Did she think that it was a good idea to put her items on the conveyer belt and then "run" over to the canned-goods aisle to look for dog food? And when she "ran" back 3 minutes later to complain that there wasn't any dog food in the canned-goods aisle, did she have the decency to cash-out and return to look for it?

No. She didn't. She involved the cashier in a search for said dog food. So I transferred to the next cashier. After waiting in line for 5 minutes, I finally managed to place my 4 items on the conveyer belt. That was when the cashier running this lane suddenly became very involved in the search for the lady's dog food. What should I do? Should I leave? Abandon my food-stuffs on the belt and walk out the door?

Finally, after finding a bag of frozen peas, a tub of margerine, and a small box of herbal tea, the lady (and the attending cashiers) returned to the check-out. Ther ewas no dog food to be seen.

After paying, I walked over to the LCBO to get a bottle of wine. I noticed the dog-food lady talking to someone at the check-out. I just kept walking.

But really... what was she thinking? And what was half of the available staff thinking at the grocery store? It looked like there was a "team-meeting" in the frozen foods section, while 1000 people (I can say that with absolutely no trace of hyperbole) waited in line to pay.

Of course... sometimes people are just wrong.

Leafs hockey

2007-03-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

I went to my first ever NHL hockey game the other day. T and I went after work, and watched the leafs host the New Jersey Devils. The seats were pretty good... 16th row up. It was quite the experience for me...

Immediately upon arrival, I went directly to a beer vendor, and asked for a couple of beers. "Small, Medium, or Large?" she asked.

"Large." I was somehow astounded that someone could even ask that question.

"That will be $25.50" she said, handing over a couple of tubs of beer.

The first thing that struck me was how quiet the game is. On television, where there are lots of microphones directed at the ice, one hears the constant scrape and grind of skates on the ice; the thud and rattle of hard checks; players yelling; slapshots. I happened to be trying to lift my beer to my face when the game started and I wasn't even aware of the face off! There was no sound...

Where was the crowd participation? Where was the crashing boards from bodychecks? Where were the cheers? I swear, I could hear the players on the bench coughing delicately...

Until Belak threw down his gloves and started hitting someone from the Devils. The crowd roared. The crowd screamed for blood. The crowd chanted "Belak! Belak! Belak!" I felt like a person might while watching a couple of gladiators fight to the death in Rome! And when it was over, we all sat back down politely and shut up.

Until Toronto scored! The crowd leapt to its feet! The crowd roared. The crowd screamed. And a minute later, with some (possibly) embarassed looks, we all sat down again and looked thoughfully into our vats of beer.

The funniest moment of the night came when a Toronto player got a penalty for hooking. "Toronto penalty, number ____, 2 minutes for hooking. Time of the penalty, 9:38," came the announcement.

Tracey asks "he got a nine minute and thirty-eight second penalty?! For what?"

I stare uncomprehendingly at her.

Tracey looks at her watch. "What the...? It's only 8:30. Why did they say he got the penalty at 9:30?"

Ok, she'll kill me for writing this in here... but it had to be done. And I am hooked on hockey games now!

The Blur

2007-03-08T17:48:00.000-05:00

My last day in China was a complete Blur. I had managed to delay my departure by 1 day --departing on the Wednesday instead of the Tuesday. I was hoping for a Thursday departure, but there were no seats available on the plane.

As usual, I awoke early to a long list of emails. By the time I had finished dealing with those, and with our Chinese suppliers (with C's help), it was about 3 pm. C had promised me a Sichuan dinner ("with lots of pepper"), and we were talking about meeting around 4 pm. That left me about 1 hour to freshen up.

C had helped me so much during my trip. The words "above and beyond" would only apply if they were prefixed with "way". In fact, it should be "WAY"! I had thanked her a number of times. It some how didn't seem to be enough. I wanted to find a way to express how I felt about it.

Flowers.

I started looking online. Oh. $100 USD to have a small, and frankly ugly, bouquet delivered to her. I felt cheap, because this was not in my budget. I happened to be online talking with a new friend, L, who works with our logistics supplier in Shenzhen. L finally understood that I was trying to find a way to get flowers to C.

"Ok. Wait there." ?

10 minutes later, there was a knock on my hotel room door. L and our logistics supplier were there! They escorted me to a couple of flower shops nearby. Luckily L was there, as I could not have done it by myself. She translated for me, as I tried to chose an adequate bouquet. She also negotiated the price for me. (As I was going along, I was asking the price... I stopped when I got up to about 200 RMB in my head.) After a flurry of Cantonese, L turned to me and said "ok? 100 RMB?" Done. I had chosen a nice bouquet of huge Lilys, a couple of roses, and some other small flowers. Deliverable the next morning at 11 am. Woo hoo! L walked me back to my hotel, where we waited for C to arrive.

They both took me out to dinner. We started by going to the Dongmen shopping district to find a few souvenirs to take home. (Again, price negotiating way below what I was going to pay. I had my own personal shoppers.) I finally decided on a few small items, and we departed for the restaurant.

Talk about amazing! This was the best looking restaurant we had been in yet. The decor was brilliant. The food was amazing. We had a Sichuan Hot Pot. The pepper side was very peppery indeed. It was a rich, deep red with pepper oil. We had two different kinds of bean curd (tofu), mushrooms, beef, some kind of vegetable, big thick chunks of seaweed (delicious), Lotus root, and something resembling fresh coriander. (I tried to make a joke, as we had finished everything else on the table... I picked this potted-looking plant in a bowl off the serving table and said "and now this?" Well, I thought it was a plant. Nope. We added it. Yum. Best dinner EVER!

Afterwards, they brought me back to my hotel, where we said goodbye. I can't tell you how difficult it was to say goodbye to my new friends. It seemed to be a sad moment. A quick hug seemed inadequate. A brave smile clearly not felt. I tried to delay as long as possible.

When the door closed, I turned to my work, as I knew there would be alot. Canada was now online. As it was my last few hours, there would surely be questions. Keeping busy couldn't cover up my sadness. Sigh. And then I packed.

Wednesdays departure went like clockwork. C even called to say goodbye again in the morning. I checked out, and dragged my suitcase through the streets to the train station in Shenzhen. From there, I walked across the border into Hong Kong; caught a KCR (subway) train for 1 station, found a city bus, and proceeded to the airport.

No bulkhead seats this time, but the person at the counter thankfully booked me into a single centre seat that had the only empty seat on the plane beside it. So the flight wasn't too bad.

I arrived at home at 8 pm or so, to a happy reunion with T, having been travelling for about 24 straight hours. I had caught a few naps on the plane, and had re-adjusted my internal clock to the local time here. Once again, though a little tired, I suffered no noticeable jet-lag.

I was at work at 8 am the following morning. C emailed me and thanked me for the flowers.

I look forward to my next trip. I hope it is soon. For now I have too few pictures, a "lucky star", some tea, some gifts from C, and lots of great memories.

Trip to the Folk Culture Village

2007-03-05T06:14:00.000-05:00

I didn't do much today to report. Most of the day was spent online with manufacturers clarifying orders.

However yesterday (Sunday) was probably the best day of my trip so far.

The day started with the usual emails. I was in constant contact with C, who was on the phone with the suppliers when possible. But because everything was closed (Sunday AND the Lantern Festival), it was a pretty easy day.

I met C at the subway nearby, and we took the train to the China Culture Village. (The Metro here is a marvel of inner-city transport. It is only two years old, and is one of the best undergrounds I have been on anywhere.)

At the exit of the subway, we met L, who works in the same office as one of my contacts here. We had two choices --Windows of the World (the world's marvels in miniature) or the China Folk Culture Village. Since I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn about Chinese culture, it was an obvious choice. We walked along a broad sidewalk for about 800 meters, with overhanging trees and flowers. Waternut trees were everywhere, and I was constantly reminded that I am in the south. (Today, I popped out to get some water and nearly bumped into a Peacock walking on the sidewalk!)

The theme park was interesting. We started on one side, which had all of the great landmarks in China depicted in miniature. In a city so bustling with activity, it was strange to be in a place that was so quiet and serene. The place was marvellously lanscaped, with lots of gardens, trees, and flowers. Birds called (sounds that were so strange to me) and flitted from tree to tree.

We then walked through the second half, which had lots of builidngs, temples, pagodas, covered bridges and more from the various regions and histories of China. The sun had already set, so we were walking around on sparsely lit paths, entering deserted buidings, and exploring wherever we wanted. We saw very few other people. It was almost as if we were trespassing after hours! It would be a very romantic walk... and I was told that the Lantern Festival is the Chinese equivalent of Valentine's day... it would have been nice. I know someone that would have really liked it if we were alone there ;-)

It turned out that there was to be a show. C ran and got us all tickets while we waited. The outdoor stage was made to look like a huge cliff. It was very realistic looking too. When the lights went down, I was thinking "oh, great... this will be a typical Vegas-style show". A cpuple of clowns came out and got the crowd riled-up. They were funny.

And then the costumed perfomers came out. The sounds were amazing! The lights were amazing! There were acrobats, and people doing things with their bodies that should be impossible! I saw a group of young girls that were so strong and talented it defies the imagination. (I.e. 8 of them came out, each twirling 8 plates on 8 sticks that were about 3 feet long. Then, without missing a beat, 4 of them stepped up onto the shoulders of the other 4 girls! And they all walked along without dropping the plates! And then they all stepped up onto the heads of the bottom girls, and then one foot onto the head of the next girl on the bottom, who all moved apart. So there were the girls on top doing the splits, and all the while the plates are still twirling! I don't think I described it well... but I know that I sat there with my mouth agape, half-way through applauding!)

The show was spectacular. This was the most astounding stage I have ever seen. It could transform itself within seconds. Now a cliff; now a huge waterfall; now the stage floor rises with new performers; now the sides of the stage swing out. This was the equal, at least, of any Cirque De Soleil performance. The entire show was the depiction of China's vast history through costume, regional music, and performances. I remain, and always will, astounded.

After the show, my logistics contact (in the nice Mercedes) picked us up for dinner. We went to a restaurant that served food from his home town (Beihai?). I have tasted so many different regional dishes in China, and this was really good. As usual, he over-ordered. There was so much food. We had a whole fish (on a plate: you just reach in with your chopsticks and grab a hunk of it right off the fish), some sweet-rolls that were hollowed-out, and we filled them with (?) something, a hot pot with more fish (my dad would call it a bouillabase), "glutinous rice dumplings" (OMG the best ever --very sticky balls of rice dough containing almond and sugar! C calls it "Glue Pudding."), some vegetable like celery, but different, some kind of deep-fried biscuit which we dipped in sauce, bbq ribs (delicious)... and I think I am forgetting something. I will have to ask C what the names of all of these dishes were. (Or, and I know she reads this, she could leave a comment and tell us all...)

Following that, they hailed a cab, we all piled in, and they took me back to my hotel. What a great day. I am so lucky that my friends in China treat me so well. It is a valuable lesson to me.

I have delayed my departure by one day, in order to collect a few more things from suppliers. That means that tomorrow is my last full day in China, before I begin my return journey. (another 30 hours of travel: ugh!)

But I will be happy to see T again.

Folk Culture Village

2007-03-04T12:35:00.000-05:00

I went with C and L this evening to the China Folk Culture Village. It was very calm and peaceful. It shows many of the different cultures that make up China, with buildings that we could walk through, as well as a miniatures section with great gardens. We even saw a great show detailing the history of China --extremely impressive. And then we went out for a late, and great, dinner.

I will post about it tomorrow, as I am exhausted. Fo now, here are a few pics.

Day 5 and 6, travelling

2007-03-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

My work schedule demanded that I travel from Shenzhen to a few different cities for two days of product inspections. It was a hectic and tiring two days. All I can say is that I am very happy that C came to accompany me... I have no idea how I would have done it alone. I would still be at the airport in Shenzhen wondering how to book a ticket!

We left the hotel early on Friday morning. I was ever so happy that the hotel agreed to hang on to my big suitcase for two days, and re-reserve the same room for my return late Saturday night. I had enough trouble dragging around my carry-on. It was an unending stream of taxis, busses, planes, more taxies, more busses, cars... My return finds me safe, yet exhausted.

After a 40 minute weather delay in Shenzhen, our flight departed for Hangzhou. From there, we took a direct bus to Yiwu, a predominant manufacturing city. We arrived at the bus station in Yiwu around 1 pm. I was up at 4:30 am to check emails that day, so I was already tired. We had looked at the weather forecast for Hongzhou (temps: 10 - 15 degrees Celcius), and so I brought along my prized leather jacket which T gave me as an early birthday present. When we got off the bus, we found the weather to be a more-than-balmy 25 degrees. The sun was scorching.

The factory boss, Mr Wu, finally came to collect us at the over-crowded bus terminus. We piled into his car for a 1-hour ride to the factory. The convention, in China, is for the client (that's me) to ride in the front seat. Perhaps it is because the front seat have functioning seatbelts. (Foreshadowing?) We roared down the highway at impossible-speeds. I was trying to keep my cool, but when I glanced at the spedometer, I noticed we were doing 165 km/h in an 80 zone!

Every time I get into a car in China, I am worried. There seems to be no lanes, rules, conventions... I think that whoever has the loudest horn has the right-of-way.

We visited the factory, and then returned at impossible-speed to his office. We were given the customary cup of hot water while we discussed business matters. We were then told that we had to go to another office to view other samples.

While careening through the streets of Yiwu, we were suddenly hit by a truck. Luckily everyone was ok. I think I hit my head on the window, as I had a headache for a while... but no harm done. It seemed as if the whole town showed up to look at the wreck, and to look through the windows at the "foreigner" in the car. (Thus came out Mr. Wu's English: "sorry"... "ok?".)

I checked into a hotel that was accesible on foot, and we went out for dinner with C's little sister, who lives nearby. It was not a great meal. In fact, it was petty bad. We ended up returning one of the main dishes.

Saturday was a better day. C met me at the hotel in the morning, and we found our way to the bus terminal. We had a 3-hour bus-ride to another factory town... but we learned that the samples would not be ready. So instead of spending 6 hours return trip to see nothing, we decided to return to Hongzhou, and then Shenzhen. That left us with about 2 hours to explore Hongzhou --the first sight-seeing that I have had time to do so far.

Hongzhou is known throught China as being one of the most beautiful cities. It truly is beautiful. Its broad, tree-lined avenues reminded me of Paris. Some of the trees were just coming into bloom as well. The prize of Hongzhou is "West Lake". There, we had a wonderful lunch (and dinner for me!) in a restaurant. We had a soup with Tofu and Chicken blood (which I stopped eating when I found out what it was), pumpkin slices fried in egg, bok choi, some kind of sweet bread made of rice and fruit, grilled eggplant in sauce (AMAZING!), and a hollowed-out pumpkin with a spicy sauce containing tofu and pumpkin slices. Best Lunch Ever!

We walked through the crowds at West Lake,and took some pictures. There were beautiful buildings, trees, and hundreds of boats on the water. It was absolutely stunning (much like Annecy, in France). We took another can to the lantern festival, where several kilometers of pedestrian streets offered a multitude of vendors selling all kinds of crafts. C bought a few things for T and I. I was just trying to make sure that I kept her in sight; if I were to get lost here, I would be in trouble (she was carrying our plane tickets back to SZ).

We finally returned to the airport in Hangzhou for our flight back to Shenzhen. It had seemed like a long 2-days of travel. Now, I am glad to be back in my hotel in SZ, and looking forward to a hot shower.

Day 4 Shenzhen

2007-03-01T15:53:00.000-05:00

What a day. I am dissapointed that I didn't get to go out and do more. I was stuck in my room, in front of my computer all day long, dealing with the various reports coming in from factories. I guess it was a good thing, as we managed to save a lot of time on the orders, without having to wait an extra day. And then we had a small problem which arose around 10 pm, and took an hour to solve.

So, with about 4 hours of restless sleep, here is my plan for the next two days.

C and I leave this morning at 6:45 am, and make our way to Shenzhen Airport. From there, we fly a few hours to the city of Hangzou, which is near Shanghai. Once deplaned, we find an intercity bus that will take us to _______ (town) where we will visit a factory and view samples. I think that C told me the bus ride is about two hours.

After that, we get back on the bus, and go to Ningbo, where we will find a hotel.

The next morning, we will have to take another bus for two hours to _______(another town), where we will visit another factory, get samples et cetera. When that is done, we catch another bus back to Hangzhou,and get back on a plane for Shenzhen. I hope.

And Sunday? Rest. Fun. Sleep. Play. Maybe I will finally have some time to go exploring and take some pictures. And C will finally have a day off... to do things that she needs to do.

I am so very glad that C is coming with me on this excursion. It will be much more fun to travel with someone. Also, she is really great at getting this kind of thing organized. Even more, my grasp of Mandarin is so weak, that I don't think I would have been able to make it on my own.

Day 3 in Shenzhen

2007-02-28T11:23:00.000-05:00

Wednesday Feb 28

I woke up today still feeling stuffed from last night’s huge meal. Checked email –only 30: Hooray! Showered, dressed, and proceeded to my breakfast buffet.

I should say something about the shower. I have traveled a fair amount, and seen showers that were good, bad, and ugly. (As J would agree, most of the showers in France are “ugly.”) But I think that even J would appreciate this shower.

It is one of those Rain-fall showers. It has a huge head, and the water falls out of it directly down. It is awesome. I will have to look into getting one of these in the future. It is neat, in the sense that you are “in” or “out”. A shower that sprays hot water down your front sometimes freezes your back. This one is like a total immersion process. So nice.

My breakfast this morning consisted of noodles, bacon, French toast, an egg-omelet thing, and great coffee. Given the high volume of food that I ate last night, these were but small quantities.

My contact picked me up at the hotel, and we walked to the bus station. This is an intercity bus station, but on a scale I have never before imagined. C made sure that I had a window seat so that I could take some pictures. (I didn’t.)

We arrived in Dongguan, a city about 1 hour away. We were dropped off on a corner, and promptly harassed by scores of motorcycle-taxis. (Yes… you get on the back of some dudes motorcycle, and whip through the streets. I saw girls sitting side saddle…no helmet…) I was really glad when we managed to hail a car-taxi

It was C’s first time there too. Luckily she was able to ask the right questions, and we made it to the factory. I have no doubt that, were I alone, I would still be on that corner. Even with my phrasebook.

We arrived at the factory, which was smaller than I expected. We inspected the products. We were given a small tour. We were made some promises. I tried to be stern (happy anyway with the info I was given). We departed.

By the time we walked back to the main road, I was a not-so-happy pink. Well, more like red. Even though I had lathered on the SPF 30 in the morning, the low-latitude sun was killing me. We finally arrived at the (alleged) bus stop, to catch the bus back to Shenzhen. We waited for about 40 minutes in the sun. C asked a few people, who assured her that we were in the right spot. No busses arrived. We finally figured out that we were about 200 meters away from the actual bus-stop. So, after a cold drink and a quick spot in the shade, we were on our way.

I thanked C profusely, since I know (and admit) that there is no way that I could have done this alone. Or, if I managed to, it would have taken me a full day. I suggested that she expand her services to include translator and guide. She could make some serious change.

When we got back to Shenzhen, C took me for a late lunch. Best food EVER! I guess we would call it a “Chinese Fondue” in Canada. Essentially, it was a table with a propane burner in the middle. We (C… not really me) ordered. A big pot of broth was brought to the table, put on the burner and left to boil. After that came a huge selection of food –appetizers (Raw peanuts, and a pickled coleslaw-type thing), beef slices (paper thin), tofu, Bok Choi, Mushrooms, pork balls, another kind of mushroom, and noodles (because C knows that I like noodles!). The pot was divided in two… one super spicy (with pepper oil floating to the surface), and another with chicken.

We threw the lot in, except for the beef slices, which we dipped. We ate for an hour. It was simply amazing. I was happy that I managed to guess the whole wash-rinse routine for the tea. (I figured that the point is to “wash” the teacup and the saucer and the spoon and the chopsticks with the boiling water/tea. Then you throw that water out. It has nothing to do with preparing the cup for the tea, as it does sanitizing the equipment.)

After that, C indulged me in my desire to go shopping for a suit. Next stop: Dongmen district. We went to about 8 stores, and I tried on several suits. I could have bought an “Armanni” suit for about $90 CAD, until C talked the price down to $80 CAD. Except that none of the suits I tried on fit me. The sleeves were far too short. (I don’t have abnormally long arms!) Oh well.

I also looked at some really neat-looking PDAs. These made the Palm Pilot Tungsten TX look big and weak and cumbersome… and they could have been mine for about $120 CAD! Alas, I was worried that I would not be able to actually use it in N America, with the voltage difference et cetera. I looked at some neat MP3 players for T, which I may return to get. I looked at super-cheap, but awesome watches. (If they had an aviator model, I would have bought it.)

Interestingly enough, given that Apple got in major trouble for running a sweat-shop in China, the iPods were more expensive here than in Canada.

I looked for some bags for T. I saw a few, but none that matched her requests. I am sure that I will find some soon. I hope so. I am willing to bet that T would spend about 4 days in this little area

In the next few days my workload will pick up even more. Also, I will be traveling to Ningbo, and then to various factories. All of our orders are coming due very shortly. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Day Two --DInner with Jason

2007-02-27T11:41:00.000-05:00

Day two (Feb 28)

I woke up at 7:30 am, feeling pretty refreshed. I managed to sleep through the night without any troubles at all. And now, at the end of day 2 (day 1, really) I am sitting in the hotel bar writing this in front of a Tsing Tao beer, trying to ingest the most massive meal I have eaten since I was in Normandy! Yummy!

The bed is hard. In fact, hard would be an understatement. If I were to place a small concrete slab over the mattress, it might actually soften things up a bit. Luckily, I love hard beds. None the less, I am still surprised when I sit down on the side of the bed. But the exhaustion of a 30 hour trip, the very dark and very quiet room, a small Melatonin dissolving under my tongue, and 20 channels of Samurai-style movies quickly put me to sleep.

I had a meeting first thing in the morning, but I decided to check my emails anyway. There were about 45 emails, most of which were concerning the reason I was here. I gave them a perfunctory glance before heading into the shower. By the time I has finished shaving, there were another 7 emails. Breakfast and coffee first!

The hotel’s breakfast was great. It is just like going to a resort. Except that there were a lot of things that I couldn’t readily identify. I settled on bacon, French toast, and a heaping pile of Noodles. I declined the could-be-tofu-could-be-fish items, passed on the not-quite-sure-what-it-was, and took a nice strong coffee.

[Side rant: why is it that the rest of the world knows how to do coffee properly, and Canada doesn’t? Excluding the USA… who’s coffee is the only one worse than ours.)

I raced back to my room, thinking I would have a few minutes to wade through some emails before my meeting. Nope. The phone was ringing as I entered my room.

It was an interesting meeting. My feeble grasp of Mandarin was not enough to drive conversation, and it is really hard to make small-talk with hand gestures only. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested going for a coffee / tea once the business part was wrapped up. He was a really nice guy, and gifted me a “Chinese Knot” –a beautiful macramé thing that is traditional here at New Years.

I managed to get through my day and completed all of the important work in time for a dinner meeting with my “logistics” contact here: Jason. I swear I had just stepped onto the set of the Sopranos… Asian Version.

We met in the hotel lobby, and proceeded out to his car (2007 Mercedes), where a burly-looking driver / bodyguard was waiting. We were whisked through the perpetually clogged streets to his office, where we talked and took some tea.

On his desk was this huge wooden … bowl(?) with a drain, several tea cups, and a Budha; beside it, a kettle. There is a trick to Chinese Tea, I am quickly learning. First, add fresh tea leaves. Boil water. Pour water into a tiny pot. Pour that into a tiny tea cup. Empty the teacup into a drain. Repeat twice. I was wondering when I would ever get to actually taste it. (It was quite good.)

We were then transported to a good Cantonese restaurant. I should mention one thing here: I am in a part of China where there are few tourists/ foreigners. And, I am in a part of the city where there are NO foreigners. So everyone stared at me as I walked through the restaurant.

An embarrassed-looking waiter managed to dig up an antique-looking fork and knife… and everyone was astonished when I managed to use the chopsticks. (A restaurant-full of people quickly inhaling at the same time, followed by some laughter, and the resumption of noise.

We had such a huge meal. We started with tea (with a totally different rinse and repeat procedure). We had small munchies (green beans with sesame and peppers, and pickled bamboo). We had a seemingly unending parade of plates which arrived at our table, and were placed on the revolving center-circle. We had vegetables with pork, soft tofu, beef noodles, soup, a big bowl of rice (same consistency as Rice pudding, but not sweet), some kind of shellfish (scallops maybe), Beijing duck (like a fajita… you take a small rice-wrap, dip a shingle of duck into the sauce, put it in the wrap, add a small scallion wrapped in a hot-pepper ring, wrap it up and eat.), Sparrow (which was interesting… except the fried sparrow head was also on the plate), Prawns (they eat the whole shell… but they tasted soooo good), more Cantonese-style beef, and possibly something else. Needless to say, I was stuffed! We also had a few bottles of beer, served in tiny glasses (you can’t take a drink without saying “ganpei” (cheers) and waiting for everyone to left their glass. I figured this out when, while chewing something spicy, I decided I needed a drink and everyone dropped everything to say “ganpei.)

They suggested that they could take me shopping after dinner. I just wanted to go back to my hotel room and have a nice quiet lie-down before addressing the evening emails. (So I decided to go to the bar instead and write this.) Again, barreling through the streets of Shenzhen, with Chinese music blaring on the CD player (They put on an English Language CD for a few seconds, and we all had a good laugh. –KNOW. K-N-O-W. KNOW. I KNOW what you mean. NOSE. N-O-S-E. NOSE. I have a NOSE on my face.)

The buildings in Shenzhen are really neat. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of order to the city. Sky-scrapers stretch upwards, seemingly far too thin for their height. I guess the air quality is pretty bad, since there are few balconies. I actually saw two buildings so close together that you could step from one balcony to the balcony in the opposite building. It seems to be a continuously incongruous scene. A brand new super-futuristic looking building beside a tower that would be a “scheme” in Glasgow, or a “projects” in New York (I.e. Low-rent housing). On street level, people are throwing dish water into the street, and anything is for sale. Does anyone remember the scene in Bladerunner, where Harrison Ford is sitting in a noodle-shop on the chaotic street-level while above him the towers shone brightly? That is like Shenzhen. Or, at least the Shenzhen I am seeing now.)

Tomorrow, I will take the train to another city, to visit the factory of a supplier. That should be fun.

Travel to China

2007-02-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

What a long, but otherwise great day. Where everything could have gone so wrong, it all went so right!

My limo-ride in the dark to the airport was surreal --partly because I was anxious to get the next 30 hours over-with, but mostly because I was already missing T so much. I was wisked through the check-in process in about 5 minutes! And, best of all, I was offered a "bulk-head" seat on the airplane! SWEET! I could stand, stretch, walk around... and it was the aisle seat as well.

I sat next to a young Hong Kong couple returning from a honeymoon. We started talking because his PSP just ran out of batteries. So, being a nice guy, I pulled my spare battery out of my bag and lent it to him. They were astonished that I was going to try to make it to Shenzhen on my own --which made me think that I hadn't, in fact, planned my voyage that well. However, after 2 trains and a bus, along with 3 different customs gates, I was in Mainland China.

Shenzhen is a huge city. Very modern. My contact met me just after I disembarked from the train. She hailed us a taxi, and took me to the hotel. I have been a passenger in cars in France and London (and Boston). This was way scarier! The seatbelt did not work! She careened through alleys choked with people, the car's horn a constant noise. It was with wobbly legs that I pulled my suitcase out of the back of the car (she didn't --or couldn't-- open the trunk for some reason) and stumbled into the hotel.

It really is a nice hotel, although barely able to cope with English speaking tourists. A bell-hop brought up my bag, turned on the lights, and quickly departed before I even thought of a tip. (I later confirmed that tipping isn't customary here.)

While struggling to get the internet set up, someone at the front desk ran a patch-cord up for me. I also learned that there are two plugs in teh room which do not require an adapter! (Thus all my toys are bsuy getting recharged.)

Of course, while rooting around the room, I managed to find some interesting articles which made me question just what kind of hotel I had booked myself into!

An Intensive Vibrating Condom.

And this "Woman Lotion." The description says:" This product adopt Hi-Tch fill a prescription, combine traditional Chinese medicine preparation, can kill and kill various kinds of hide germs rapidly. ..."

What a great first day!

T minus 20 hours

2007-02-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

Well, everything is in order. I thinnk.

My iPod is charging. The PSP is charging (both batteries). The camera battery is charging. My phone is charging. (T bought us a bigger suitcase yesterday, just so that I could bring all of my recharging cords!) All of my important work docs have been replicated on my notebook and on a USB drive.

I have been to the drugstore, and picked up Immodium, Pepto Bismal, Melatonin and Gravol (both for sleep...), Advil, and all of teh other necessities for travel (along with a shocking 77$ price tag).

I have a pile of clothes to iron before I pack (thus wrinkling them up beyond help in the suitcase). I have a dozen Clif-Bars to get me through a long week of travelling. I have all of the samples I need to take to the factories in China. I have a 6-pack of mini Maple Syrup bottles which I will leave with various suppliers and contacts there. I have yet to buy a book, but I know which book I shall buy.

More updates as the day goes on, I am sure. I am pretty stoked!

T minus two days

2007-02-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

I picked up my Visa this morning. I was in and out of the consulate in 3 minutes.

I had these nightmarish visions that I would not get my visa in time, or that I would be turned down, or that I would lose my passport on the subway or something. But it went like butter.

On another note, my contact in china emailed me this:
"John, guess what? I've prepared so nice local snacks for you (beef jerky, dried sleeve-fish, glutinous rice dumpling...)"
I wonder what dried sleeve-fish is.

T minus three days

2007-02-22T13:52:00.000-05:00

Usually when I travel, I spend months researching, pricing, planning... for this trip I will have had a little over 1 week. It is difficult for me to know that I still don't have my visa, and that my passport is still at the Chinese Consulate. What happens if it doesn't arrive? Gulp.

I guess I just have believe that it will work out all right. Luckily, my contacts in China are being extremely helpful.

In preparation for the 16+ hour flight, I have loaded up my iPod with all the music that I own (almost), I have broken in my (our... T and I bought it together) Playstation Portable, bought a second extended battery for the PSP, and I am zeroing in on a good book.

I was considering installing the game Civiliaztion III on my laptop, but then I realized that I wouldn't even get up and go to the bathroom, eat, or sleep. (It is that kind of game for me... I have played it for 14 hours straight before!) Also, I don't think that seat F18 will have a plug.

I guess I will sleep, then. Drugs. I will need drugs.

Flight times are booked

2007-02-20T00:53:00.000-05:00

It has been an interesting two days.

I finally proceeded to the "book-the-non-refundable-flight" stage of my trip. When I originally started making inquiries with Air Canada last Thursday, the price was $1700.00 CAD taxes included for a non-stop flight. When I checked again last night, it was up to $1848.00 CAD for the same flight. This morning, when I attempted to book the flight, it had risen again to $1898.40. Three hours later, when the credit card was cleared-up, it was a whopping $1998.00 CAD.

So I thought that it would be a great idea to pre-select my seat. Being a non-stop flight, I would be trapped in the aluminium tube for about 16 hours. (More on the non-stop vs stop-over in Vancouver decision below.) I had visions of a bulk-head window seat -lots of leg-room; nobody to bother when I wanted to get up and walk around; a great view of the landing in Hong Kong...

It turns out that I managed to get the 4th-last available seat on the plane! Seat F18 is what I chose, of the few remaining seats. (See image above.) It is realy the worst of the worst. I will be sitting in the middle of the aisle column, probably just above the wing. I will have no view, no leg room (even stretching out into the ailse), and will have to wake up the person beside me every time I need to get up and walk around. I just know that if J were with me, he would be praying to the "upgrade" Gods.

So I have 16 hours to sit in a small seat. (Barring any delays on the runway.) I have my iPod... good for about 3 hours before I get tired of that. T and I just bought a PSP (I have to buy a spare battery tomorrow)... the games are fun; I can watch movies; I can even surf the internet. It really is amazing. .. good for about 6 hours. I hope to drug myself to sleep for at least 8 hours.

I will buy a book. Something that is interesting. Engrossing, clever, witty, and light. And small... because all of my adapter cords and rechargers are taking up alot of room! I thought of something educational... kind of a forced-read situation. But then I realized that it has to compete with the shiny new PSP toy. Ahhh such sweet sacrifice...

The decision to fly direct was made for two reasons.

1.) I would arrive at 3 pm in Hong Kong, as opposed to 7 pm. I still have to clear customs, get my bags, and negotiate HKG terminal. I also have to find transportation which takes me to the train station. Then I have to find a train which takes me to Shenzhen, where I will meet my contact (Who, I am sure, will have been waiting 3 hours longer than planned) who will take me to my hotel.

2.) Vancouver is notorious for loosing luggage. This way, I have eliminated 5 extra hours of travel, and the concept of my only suitcase not actually arriving with me. I regret, possibly --or at least I anticipate having regretted-- the idea of getting of a plane for a few hours. But in this case, the costs outweigh the benefits.

So I depart Sunday the 25th at 9:45 am. I arrive, Hong Kong time, at 2:40 pm. I figure a few hours to get bags, customs, train. I should be at my hotel in Shenzhen by 8 pm local time. I will have been traveling for about 22 consecutive hours.

Yay.

Sanshui Hotel

2007-02-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

Well, my contact in China found me a great-looking hotel. It meets all of my requirements (I.e. close to the railway station, downtown, cheap...). In fact, it is going to be about $50.00 CAD, including tax. Not bad.

It will be a very exciting experience. Jun Ben, my friend in China, is actually going to meet me at the train station in Shenzhen and take me directly to the hotel. All I have to do is make my way from HKG airport to the train station. No problem.

It is hard to believe that I am leaving in 6 days. How will I spend that much time away from T?

A Sauna bath and Beer City...

2007-02-17T09:36:00.000-05:00

I'm looking for a good hotel in Shenzhen this morning.

I have seen a few that are interesting. However, I will need internet in the room for business (and to chat with my sweetie T). Most of the prices seem pretty good. I'm looking at anywhere from $50 - $75 CAD per night.

Although I may have stumbled upon a winner. A direct quote from the web-site:

"What's more, you may also kill your time cheerfully with amusement furnitures, such as sauna bath and beer city, etc."

Heh...

I wonder what an amusement furniture is?

I visited China Today

2007-02-16T16:28:00.000-05:00

Kind-of.

I actually dropped by the Chinese Consulate in Toronto to apply for my Visa. I had several meetings today for work, and so I decided to leave myself plenty of time to do this. I figured that, like all government offices, I would be in line for hours.

I dutifully researched the visa application process. I worried about not having my plane tickets booked and proof of return ticket --as is mentioned on the consular website. I worried that if I indicated "pleasure" in the space asking "reason for visit" that someone somewhere would know that I was lying. (Who would go to Shenzhen for a week?) I worried that if I wrote "business" in that space, that they would request the letter of invitation from an official PRC governmental business agency --as is mentioned on the consular website.

I ended up writing "pleasure and business."

I worried that they would ask me which hotels I would be staying at, and could I please provided names and addresses (I read somewhere that they would ask that.) I worried that the grossly apparent blank space that I left in the Visa application beside "Name, address, and phone number of person to visit in China" would stand out, and be immediate grounds for further questioning.

I worried that the picture I provided would be the wrong size / colour / date / posture.

Most of all, I dreaded the idea of lining up for hours prior to being asked to come back with more information at a later time.

In the end, it was probably the easiest thing I have done in my life.

I lined up for about 2 minutes. I passed my passport and visa application through the little window.

"Sir," a polite woman on the other side of the 4-inch saftey glass asked, "is the prupose of your trip business or pleasure? We can only issue you a visa for one or the other."

"Can we say... pleasure?" I asked.

She crossed out "business" on the application.

She looked at my passport.

She looked at my picture.

She handed me a receipt, and smiled. "Come back to pick up your Visa in a week please."

And that was that. 4 minutes after walking into the consulate, I was back on the street. With 3 hours to kill.

Zao shang hao Zhong Guo...

2007-02-14T11:21:00.000-05:00

Well, I have just discovered that I am off to China. Hooray!

The next several weeks will be an account, somewhat irregular I am guessing, of my travel experience. I leave in 10 - 12 days. I still don't have my entry Visa, plane tickets, hotel reservations, internal travel arrangements (I will be landing in Hong Kong, staying in Shenzhen, Ningbo, and Shanghai, visiting Guangzhou and possibly other cities) or meetings scheduled. I do, however, have a very small mandarin phrase book.

I was really considering packing ultra-light. I have a small hard-case suitcase, in which I could fit a few clothes, shoes, toiletries et cetera. It might pass as carry-on in terms of size, but then I would not be able to bring useful things such as toothpaste, mouthwash, et cetera. But as word trickled around the office that I was on my way to shopping heaven, the lists started coming in. At this rate, I may need an ocean-going container ship to make the return trip.

Shenzhen is a really neat looking city. 20 Years ago it was a small fishing town. Now, it is the heart of production in China with a population of about 10 million. All of the architecture is new, and the city is very well planned. There are various zones --even deignated shopping areas for specific types of items. I think that the general consensus is that it lacks "soul." I think I will find that it is missing a historical element that really interests me. There are some attractions, of course.

I am going to enjoy myself, despite the very heavy workload that I will have while I am there. I have travelled a fair amount in the past, but never to somewhere as different from Canada as this. I am excited, and nervous. Luckily I have so much to do before February 24th arrives that I will have no time to think about it.

I Want More!!!

2006-07-24T18:23:00.000-04:00

Here is something really really cool!!! From a Canadian company called DNA 11, it is a piece of art made from your own dna. Essentially what happens is this: you send away for a kit (a-la-CSI Las Vegas) which includes a swab and a return envelope. You swab the inside of your cheek, send it away, and voila: 4 weeks later, they send you a really cool canvas with your dna profile enhanced, coloured, and ready to be the centre of conversation.

You get your choice of colours: citron; firesky; matrix (very aptly named); infrared mirror (like the above); city lights... you can even get a glowscreen, which is a bit like having your dna permanently shown on a plasma television.

I spoke with one of the owners and founders of DNA11 today, and he actually said that alot of people are surprisingly hesitant to send away their DNA --despite the fact that it is a secure lab.

Ok, now I sound like an advertisment. However, I do have a couple of friends (you know who you are) who are conspiracy theorists, think Coca-Cola is "CIA-Juice," et cetera...

In that case, you can also send in your fingerprint, and they will make a canvas from that. ;-)

Really freakin cool!!!

I Want!

2006-07-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

*Drools*

What is it? Why, it is a table-top grill. Of course. I wouldn't really use it inside, but it would be super-fun on a picnic table for doing some small items.

Really cool... from Eva Solo.

Trucks

2006-06-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

Here is a question that I hope someone can answer for me:

If you live in a suburb, work in the city, don't do any kind of activities beyond golf or taking kids to soccer... what the F*&K do you need a Ford F350 for?

I mean... do you think you will have a sudden need to tow a small building or an ocean-going freighter at some point? Do you usually put anything in the back, or are you afraid of scratching the paint?

Have you noticed that the commercials typically depict these beasts careening around construction sites, getting all dirty, and disgorging a small army of heavy-set iron-workers? Perhaps a more accurate commercial would be some neurotic-looking skinny dude watching the gas needle drop as he motors around town... doing a 20 point turn to get into a parking spot... leaning out of his immaculately washed and appointed vehicle to pay for a half-caf skinny latte extra-hot at Starbucks...

The Fashion Beach Tote Bag

2006-05-09T13:26:00.000-04:00

While cruising around the internet looking for legitimate work items (my job is to source products) every now and then I stumble upon something bizarre. Take, for example, "The Beach Buddy": 100% Cotton Terry-VelourAll-In-One FashionBeach ToteBag... (patent pending, so don't go getting any ideas!!!) The Web Site (more garish even then the actual product, if you can believe it) touts this tote as the "world's most advanced fashion tote bag." I am expecting good things.

Ah-ha. Here we see a very dashing young ~~super~~ model sporting a duo of these amazing products. See how he squints into the sun. Do you think he will earn a lot of money for this photo shoot. He is probably wondering how extensive the internet coverage will be... and if that cute girl in grade 12 that he likes will see this. (OMG I so hope she doesn't, cuz then it will be, like, over.) Maybe he will be lucky enough to meet a girl on this photo shoot.

Bingo. Ohh... and look! She is also wearing a very fashionable "Beach Buddy." Sweet! The Ad for this states that the "Beach Buddy" is a real "head turner," and so is she. Ahh... but she appears to be on a boat. Maybe it can also be a "Boat Buddy" for "Boat Bunnies." Let's check the Web Site. Hmm... easy to carry (well that is obvious), affordable (clearly), sand resistant (??), water resistant (how, exactly is a towel water resistant?), and ... good, we're in luck: "the only bag you'll ever need for the beach, spa, [blah blah blah], ... and cruises!" I would imagine that a suitcase would be a good second bag on a cruise.

What's this? Its a towel as well? Sweet Jesus!! A sand and water resistant towel-bag that is affordable and easy to carry??? Where have you been all my life? I know that I lie awake at night dreaming of a towel, covered with buttons, that is water resistant and fashionable. My old tote is sooo yesterday. Oh... It also looks like the beach dude has noticed the beach bunny.

Yes... he is definitely smiling a bit more now. Maybe being an internationally recognized, towel-tote-toting, super model will get him some money (doubtful), and other fringe benefits. Check out the way he is standing a bit taller, smiling more, sucking in his gut, and flexing his massive pipes. Oh, and what is that beacon of fashionability that he is displaying in its alternate mode? He is pretty happy that it is water resistant, of course, as he looks with growing satisfaction towards the pool area.

Yes, that's right. The fanny pack detaches from the main bag/towel, and can be worn in a way that suggests being fashionably comfortable and happy. Now tell me... does this person look either happy or comfortable? "Why" she may be asking, "in the heck would I be wearing a fanny pack in the pool?" She might also be asking why they couldn't pick a heated pool to do this shoot. Perhaps she is a little leary of the tall guy gawking at her. Still, a great demonstration of the water-resistant capabilities of the terry-cloth. Could there be any better demonstration than a bikini-clad woman in a pool?

Oh my God! It is as if the geniuses behind this advert were able to tap into the minds of every straight man in the world! Two scantily-clad hotties. And some kind of machine. Thank you safety crew for making sure that you were standing by on the set so that these two apparitions didn't have to wear life-jackets. I don't think that the person in the back is holding on very tightly. And the driver seems to be a bit confused as to what she must do. (" You want me to do WHAT with her?")

The advertising agency has clearly outdone itself here. We have it all: colour, composition, the product in all of its multi-functional splendour, and, best of all, a pair of girls looking all tuckered out from a fun day of being fashionable. Or maybe the Beach Dude finally got tired of tote-related rejection, snapped, and slipped some Rohypnol into their Pina-Coladas.

I know what I want for Christmas!!!

What were they thinking?

2006-04-28T13:03:00.000-04:00

I can't tell you haw many times I have wondered if there was a solution to my scorching-noodz problem. At last I can eat in peace.

Mmmm. Butter. This has got to be more practical than a knife. Of course, it is nowhere near as easy as spray-butter. Now that is classy.

This could be a pretty good advert for Travel Thailand don't you think? "Come to Thailand. Explore our beautiful beaches and get mugged on them."

Hmm... Just what is in that pot that Superman is stirring? And why does Jimmy have to marry the ape? The ape doesn't look pregnant. This is one comic that I would love to read.

Cute aren't they? They're called Oopiks. They would make a really nice, cuddly gift for a favourite friend right? Well... they are made of seal skin. But that's ok, because they are Inuit crafted... and that justifies everything. Right?

Oh Good God!

2006-04-18T13:11:00.000-04:00

"Parkour." A neat little urbanization of the French word "parcours," which means run, or journey. Sigh. The more I learn, the more I think it should be called McParkour.

I remember seeing a video several years ago of some dudes flipping out all over the place, jumping from roofs and stuff, and generally climbing up anything. It certainly looked neat. Of course the whole "freedom" of the idea --i.e. Free to go anywhere-- has, of course, begun to get commercialized.

There is apparently a co-founder of the sport. Not only is he doing Ambassadorial work (snrghhghhh), he is selling "Parkour Wear." Parkour.net offers a different explanation as to the sports origins. Screw that! I think it was "founded" by every child throughout time. (I know my nephews do it. Sofa, coffee table, stairs, counter-top... people... nothing presents a true obstacle to them as they go tearing around their living room.) Urban Freeflow offers the largest web site in the world (apparently) dedicated to Parkour. They also offer original and authentic streetwear. I see a trend. How in the hell can I be seen doing a backflip without a special edition hoodie?

There is a whole terminology... it is so inconceivable that one might just go for a jog in a straight line, regardless of what obstacles lay in one's path. Apparently, people who do this are called Traceurs, and can work in Crews. How "fresh." Wikkipedia notes that some practitioners call it a way of life.

A lot of people think that Starbucks is a "way of life" as well. I am sure that those who call Tim Hortons a "way of life" would be willing to wage a kind of holy war against "Starbuckers." (Just imagine, you are "strolling" with your "fresh" "crew" down to get a "grande-half-caf-skinny-non-fat latte" for 4$ when you bump into the "double-double" "crew." Violence ensues. Someone gets a coffee stain on their taupe organic-cotton coffee-inspired hoodie -- which matches their special Reebok coffee-strolling trainers.)

Parkour appears in a Motorolla phone commercial (about 60 people doing flips off of railings, jumping off bridges and cimbing up onto roofs, all plugged in to their own music and wearing earphones, because we know how much people love to congregate in the name of common interests and then listen to music at each other). I even saw a picture in a local newspaper today. Parkour is quickly becoming a buzz word.

I see two things happening. It becomes mainstream, and all of the young professional couples that bought mountain bikes when that was cool/bought kayaks when that was cool/bought climbing shoes and a helmet when that was cool/bought roller blades when that was cool/currently own and display their Yoga equipment, will rush out and start Parkour-ing. There will be an entire industry built up around it --130$ Parkour pants... special Parkour t-shirts... a Parkour shoe by Nike... 50$ knit Parkour Hats... 300$ Suede Jackets. There will be Parkour clubs that one can join for 299$ per month. Parkour training videos. (Oh crap!! I spoke too soon!) A special Toyota Forerunner Parkour edition. In Montreal, someone will probably open a "Parkour Gym," charge 12$ a head, and immediately label themselves as the biggest Parkour Gym in the World!

Or... before the money can get interested (and therefore keep it "fresh") some idiot is going to jump off a bridge, break his back, and sue the city for 4 billion $$. The city will crack down on anyone doing this ludicrous and extreme activity (No, it is not a sport!). It will therefore attract a bunch of people who all dress the same and listen to the same music and use the same words (like "fresh") and call themselves non-conformists. They will feel superior to the rest of the world because they are doing what they want, despite what "The Man" tells them.

Why do I care? I don't, really. I just think that it is sad... sad the way we, as a race, do this to absoluetly everything. Besides, it is making me view my activity (bouldering... also not really a sport) in much the same light. And that really sucks.

9 People

2006-04-12T13:22:00.000-04:00

Can you find the nine people in this picture?

I thought I could, but then a co-worker explained to me that I was mistaken. Well... it COULD be plausible for 3 people to be hiding behind the wall; and clearly there are 2 invisible people in the picture. And that dog looks pretty suspicious if you ask me. The question should be "Can you find the nine people and the dog in this picture?" And the bird.

Maybe it is some kind of statement about the hidden genocides and various atrocities being carried out by some of the more shady and questionable governements in the world: There are 3 easy to see people, and the rest are buried under the paving stones. And a dog.

I tried squinting at it, like those 3-d puzzles that were all the rage in the '80s. Come to think of it, I could never "get in" to those either.

Another co-worker, questionning my intelligence, sent me some kind of famous "Einstein test" which is circulating on the internet. Apparently only two percent of the population is smart enough to do it. I sent her the correct response in 30 seconds. She was amazed. Simply astounded.

I wonder if the remaining 98% of the population is smart enough to have looked the answer up using Google... and in which percentile does my method put me?

Cheese days

2006-04-07T13:28:00.000-04:00

Cheese as it applies to environmentalism. I really should be using "cheese" in that sentence (non capitalized and in quotes).

Tracey was kind/sweet/intelligent enough to buy three stinky cheeses the other night. Astoundingly, all of them were from Quebec. She said that they smelled like feet, among other things. One of them, apparently, tasted of goat.

In my haste to discover these new odiforous milk products, I tore the wrappers and labels off, plonked them on a board, poured us some wine and got busy. When we decided that we liked them, and that Tracey most definitely did NOT like the "goat" cheese, we spent the next 30 minutes smelling wrappers and trying to match them up with what we were eating.

On another note, I am now "connected" in my appt. Thank you Skype for letting me talk for free.

Moving Day

2006-04-05T13:13:00.000-04:00

Continually packing and unpacking has taught me something about how to move into a new appartment with ease --I have certainly done it often enough.

There is a certain technique to the whole process. I pack for size, not weight. (That means that even the smallest of the boxes manages to weigh enough to keep your chiropractor's kids in university through several PhDs.) Subsequently the boxes are a mish-mash of items from any room, with the exception of books.

There is a flair to putting all of the boxes in one corner of the apt., cleaning and unpacking your way towards them. Sometimes, however, it becomes necessary for the bedroom to be functioning as quickly as possible.

Last night after work Iwas busy unpacking, cleaning and setting up the new pad. I had done some grocery shopping and was looking forward to making some noodles for dinner. At 7:30, hunger began to hit me and I began to seriously think about getting the kitchen finished. I needed to find some cookware to make dinner...

I open the next box. Bingo. Kitchen stuff. I drag it into the kitchen, put on a Beastie Boys CD, and start pulling stuff out. Toaster oven: Hmm... could use a bit of cleaning. Espresso machine: Needs cleaning. "Sweet!" Sushi and Sake set: where could I put that?

8:45 pm. I have now emptied 4 boxes of kitchen supplies into soapy water, dried them and set them in their new place. I have yet to find any cookware. My stomach is rumbling so loudy now that it can be measured on the richter scale. I am starting to get desperate, and I need sustenance as I have a hockey game in 90 minutes!

It finally hits 3 frantic box-opening minutes later. I have no pots. None! Suddenly the 20 metric tons / 10 boxes of books that I took the time to collect, store, box and move are starting to look rather useless to me. Unless I can somehow fold one into a pot and cook noodles in it.

Shut up and do your job!

2006-03-31T17:56:00.000-05:00

Ahh yes, work.

Interestingly enough I found this poster on the internet while I was sitting in my cube. "Not paid to think" indeed. I was thinking that it might be wrong of me to be looking at cool Futurama parodies of Soviet-style propaganda posters when I should have been looking for Haida art. (The internet is a funny place, really. It can lead one in all sorts of directions.) But then the poster told me that I wasn't paid to think.

I therefore thought that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing since I wasn't being paid to think. I could have thought some more about the implications of not thinking, but it was quickly leading to a dizzying feedback loop of uncertainty.

So I got up, shuffled into the kitchen and got some coffee. The coffee was ok, I thought --and immediately realized the error of my ways. This was completely counterproductive to the company's well being! (Ok, that was part thought and part instinct. So I let it ride.)

I decided, completely unthinking, to sit in my chair and drool while typing random letters into a locked excel spreadsheet. I read once that this is the fast-track to a management position.

God hates those who are running late

2006-03-31T13:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I say God. I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe it is Fate, or Luck, or one of those other mythical (please don't strike with lightning... ) semi-beings. But whoever, or whatever is punishing those who run late is a real bitch!

This morning.
--Alarm broken, did not go off. Get woken up by a screaming 3 yr old.
--Rush through shower, quickly get dressed, ignore razor. Use slip on shoes (not lace-ups) to save crucial seconds.
--Get into car. Clutchstartlookreverse all at same time. Saves another 1.2 seconds.
--ignoring proper sentence structure saves time too.
--stop abruptly for gang of teenagers loitering at the end of the driveway while they look at a picture of something. I idle the car furiously at them.
--begin reversing out again. Stop for some kind of mid-suburbian convoy of soccer moms in mini vans. I swear there were about 20 of them in a row! It looked like a chrysler commercial driving past.
--finally get out of driveway. Only 2 minutes late. Great! Seeing as how I am typically 20 minutes early this should not present a problem. I may even have time to go get a coffee.

And that is when Hope turned her back, Fate started to get very interested, and the ancient Greek God of red traffic lights sat up and realized that "if you want something done right you have to do it yourself."

Welcome to The Culture

2006-03-30T18:52:00.000-05:00

Interestingly enough, when I enter "The Culture" into Google, the first hit I get is for "College Drinking --Changing the Culture." Pretty sad, really. If drinking is not a major part of higher education, I don't know what is. Even more frightening: I entered "drinking" into Google and got the same link at the top of the list. I believe that there is a conspiracy afoot. Happily, Google Images is not so adroit, and seems to be much more liberal in its views on "drinking."

From the semi serious to the predictable, the cute and the downright raucous, Google Images shows why it is the seldom disciplined middle child of the Google familly when it comes to drinking.

I took the name "The Culture" from my favourite author, Iain M. Banks. While on a trip to England years ago, and desperately short of reading material, my friend Damian lent (read: gave) me a copy of Excession. It was a bit battered, thick, and the cover looked interesting. I therefore instantly judged it to be a "good book." Little could I imagine how good. (This last sentence is called "foreshadowing," which is supposed to make you want to read on...)

My return flight left me stranded at Heathrow for several hours. I browsed the airport pub. I browsed the airport shops where I could buy hideously outrageous goods at even more outrageous prices. I browsed the airport whiskey shop 8 times in 37 minutes because there was a free whiskey sampling. (Although I lucked into a shift-change, the staff somehow managed to suss out that I kept staggering back in every 3 minutes or so and finally cut me off, and gently shoved me back in the direction of the pub.) Finally, squinting through one open eye, I browsed the book shop.

I had just (internally) slurred my way through the last few paragraphs of Excession, and was looking for a good book to drop between the seats and lose on the plane. Breathing hard, face red and oh-so-casually-leaning-for-balance on a book case, I managed to focus on an entire row of Iain M. Banks books. I grabbed 3 and weaved my way through the crowd to the cash. My fate was sealed. (Again, this is foreshadowing.)

If memory serves I did not sleep until I finished every word of those books. I was fascinated. I was captivated. I was really fnckin' tired!!! I even read the "praise for" in the front, which read "Few of us have been exposed to a talent so manifest and of such extraordinary breadth." Or, "Gripping, touching and funny." Or "A mordant wit, a certain savagery and a wild imagination." If I had anything to add it would be, fascinating... captivating... and ... exhausting.

I have since read his entire works. (I mind-blowingly discovered the one book that I hadn't read a few days ago in a book store in Toronto.) 10 Gripping Sci-Fi books (but not the wimpy Star Trek or Star Wars type of Sci-Fi) and 11 fiction books. That makes... 10, plus... mumble mumble... carry the 2...

I will get back to you on that. (Must ask Tracey who is probably good with numbers.) Other than this one book, whichI just managed to find after a several-years long search, the rest have been purchased in airport book shops. (And when it costs $3.50 for a 330ml bottle of water in an airport, you can imagine the investment I have made in this author!!!)

Iain M. Banks coined the term (for me, anyway) "The Culture" to represent an entire pan-galactic concordance of species. They seem in complete control of things we take for granted. I don't want to give too much away (go read a book), but "The Culture" in his novels is a typical Utopian society (in the same sense as Farenheit 451, 1984 and other books I read in grade 11). That is to say that he presents "The Culture" as a utopia, and then messes with everyone's perception of that for the next 300 pages. Ironic --not. You have to dig deeper to get the meaning behind the obvious message. Or is that what Irony means?

So, umm... yeah. Where was I? ... Utopia... umm... culture...

...

Oh! Right!

This blog is my take on "the culture" (no caps, but I give you bold and italics) in which we all live and aspire vainly to thrive. It is the point of view of a guy who always picks the shortest lines in the supermarket but who is lucky to get out before the janitors close up for the night. It is the babblings of a person who can never find the fast lane on the freeway. The imaginings, sometimes paranoid, of a person who always wonders how come everyone in front of him is moving so slowly. (Well really... if they were that slow, shouldn't they be behind me?)

Some stuff might get said: the internet seems to be a great place to hang up one's inhibition-hat and cut loose with some sharp rhetoric. Or, I may forget my password and never manage to write a followup entry.

J